I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
