turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Bring me that man meat
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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