I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
only if we run a train.
done.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
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