its not stalking. its research.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
