I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
