Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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