good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Randomize
