He kissed a someone with a penis
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
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