Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
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