grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
