I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Come share oat with me in your robe
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
