Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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