You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
