Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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