so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
