Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
