my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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