Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
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