just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Randomize
