Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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