why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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