Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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