He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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