carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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