We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
