porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
