May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
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