these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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