I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
