2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
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