Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
