Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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