Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
