How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
