i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
