I'm so fucking centered right now
there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
