you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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