I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
