i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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