Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
