You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
