That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
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