grandma shit on top of the toilet
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
