Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
zippers are such a cool invention
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
