i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
