new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
