I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
