if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
