i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
