addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
